Haters Gonna Hate
by Concentration Maple-ation
Summary: They laugh 'cause I skate. CRACKFIC


**A/N: 'Nother crackfic. 'Cept it won't be added on to.**

* * *

So there was this dude named Derby Harrington. He was tall, blonde,  
handsome, and rich. He got all the ladies.

His best friend slash bodyguard was a macho redhead named Bif  
Tremblay. He's tall, handsome, and rich as well. He got all the ladies  
too.

So these two men that I was just talking about, yeah, they were  
walking down the street to Aquaberry to pick up Gord Vendome, their  
rainbow fairies princess frilly fru fru rich lawyer gay dude. But  
that's just what he seemed like on the outside. Actually, Gord was  
more macho than Bif. Imagine that!

Okay, so anyways, they were walking down the street when SUDDENLY all  
of a sudden in the land of suddenliness, Vance Mecidi (also a gay  
dude) rode by on a Segway. He was shouting angrily at everyone and  
everything; "HATERS GONNA HATE, THEY LAUGH CUZ I SKATE"

Derby and Bif were just all liek, WTF, so they punched Vance in the  
face. The greaser ended up bending all the way backwards until his  
greasy hair hit his feet.

"WEEEEEEWW I'M A DOLPHIN!" he screamed again and continued riding on  
his Segway. He suddenly jumped on a police officer's head and shot  
into space, where he landed in Mordor.

When DERBY was watching the events unfold, Bif was taunting him with  
the troll face, singing the trololo song. When Derby turned around,  
Bif faked a seizure.

So anyways. They went on to Aquaberry, speaking in dubstep and causing  
everyone's ears to bleed. Instead of using the door, because Bif is  
stupid, he smashed the glass in the window and stepped inside.

Pinky shrieked in horror and fled the shop, half naked. Derby got  
slapped in the face. Bif had another seizure. All was good.

It took five bananas and twenty-two oranges, but Gord was picked up  
from Aquaberry. All he could talk about was the people he was whoring  
around with. So Bif punched him in the face. Gord then ran off into  
Parker's arms and called his daddy to sue them but then remembered  
that they were a fucking Harrington and Tremblay so he hung up.

So anyways, after like five hours of staring off into space, Derby  
fell down and sunk into the cracks of the cement.

"NOOOOOOOOO" Bif mourned the loss of his future lover. He was so loud  
that he even woke up King Neptune.

DUHN DUHN DUHN

So anyways, Bif came back to the spot Derby disappeared at every day  
and spoke Latin until Tad's fucking annoying little voice told him to  
shut the frack up. Then Bif punched him. But it didn't really do  
anything because Tad's daddy did that all the time.

So one day when Bif went up to speak Latin to Derby (keep in mind that  
it was Thad Carlson's birthday), Pinky was standing directly on him.  
Just standing there. Staring. Just doing nothing.

So Bif shoved her into the ocean. It was Justin to the rescue. DA DA  
DA DA DA DAAAAAAA

Then all of a SUDDEN, out of a darkened alleyway, Ricky came riding  
out in a Vespa. He was driving all cray cray, riding directly over  
Derby's resting spot. Repeatedly.

That's when Vance came by from Mordor and helped Ricky drive over  
Derby. Bif was pissed. So he began doing the chicken dance. Everyone  
on the street stopped to watch his sexy dance of doom. Even Ricky and  
Vance paused what they were doing.

Bif then began to speak in Latin like he always did. And then the  
ground separated. And an army of Derby-bots flew over the city. The  
real Derby kidnapped Bif and made him peel potatoes for Dan Wilson.

Dan Wilson cried from pure excitement when the potatoes were brought  
to him. He loved potatoes. He could shoot them at people in the spud  
gun he kept from when he used to be a nerd.

So anyways, Derby and Bif lived underground for like, 5 years. Only  
Gord knew where they were because he saw Bif being taken away. And he  
spoke the Canadian language in hopes of getting taken too.

But one day, Parker had a seizure. Gord instantly forgot Canadian and  
where Derby and Bif were hiding. Derby was proud of Bif's seizure  
machine.

So, anyways, the place that they lived in was big and it had green  
scaly people. Once, they happened upon a blue wooden police box. A few  
days after they had found it. It had disappeared.

One time, Pinky had gotten so angry that she drilled underground and  
killed 2 green scaly people. So Derby and Bif's presence was not  
welcome. They tied them to chairs and dissected them. Bif stopped  
having seizures and Derby only spoke Japanese. He got kawaii desu eye  
sparkles too.

So like, Christy had heard all of these "rumours" that they were  
underground and it eventually got to Johnny. So Johnny, like, went to  
the sidewalk and hit it with Norton's Thor hammer. All of a sudden,  
Derby-bots came out if nowhere and broke his arm. And then, almost as  
suddenly as the Derby-bots, the blue police box returned.

Christy walked out with Davis and Ivan. Johnny wondered why they were  
in a tiny wooden box together. But he didn't care because his arm was  
broken and the ground just swallowed him.

So the next thing he saw was Bif's seizure machine and a green scaly  
thing eating a banana. Johnny threw up because bananas are gross.

Derby heard him throw up from where he was strapped in his chair and  
spoke some Japanese words. Bif would have had a seizure but he was  
unable to.

Johnny had a seizure of his own and climbed on the wall, down the  
corridor to Derby and Bif. Derby said some more Japanese words before  
all of a sudden, Pinky drilled down into the ground again and  
accidentally killed another 2 green scaly people.

Johnny went and unstrapped Derby and Bif before they zombie-walked  
back to the surface on a kite.

Goes saw their kites and cried from jealousy. But Derby got slapped in  
the face and Bif had a non-seizure. All was good.


End file.
